SEXY WALRUSTRIATHLON & ADVENTURE CLUB

The cabinet

The silverware,
such as it is.

Three trophies are contested every September, and one has been retired to a garage.

EVERY HOLDER SINCE 2013 · FROM THE CLUB’S OWN RACE RECORDS

What is
actually at stake.

Nobody joined this club for the prizes. This is fortunate.

The Horn of Glory
A tusk.
First home in the September race
White Fang
A fang, and a year of explaining yourself.
Last home in the September race
The Golden Horn
Golden. Horn-shaped. Contested.
Fastest female home
The Giant Wooden Norse
Retired.
Season points championship, 2013–recent. Fell away. Last seen in a garage in Clanfield, unclaimed.
Wood engraving of three trophies: a walrus tusk on a stand, a large fang, and a banded drinking horn
Plate I · the tusk, the fang, the horn · from the club’s own cabinet
Two gold-painted walrus figures, photographed side by side
Two of the club’s own, photographed rather than engraved
Two club members holding a carved wooden walrus at a club gathering
The carved walrus, changing hands

The roll of honour

FOURTEEN SEPTEMBERS
  • 2026Horn of GloryEdward Humphreys 1:06:52White FangEmily C. 1:37:19Golden HornLizzie W. 1:17:36
  • 2025Horn of GloryEdward Humphreys 1:06:13White FangLewis H. 1:35:12Golden HornBecky T. 1:20:16
  • 2024Horn of GloryOli M. 1:06:02White FangChris L. 1:33:21Golden HornRebecca S. 1:28:29
  • 2023Horn of GloryEdward Humphreys 1:04:19White FangRich T. 1:32:49Golden HornBeth W. 1:25:25
  • 2022Horn of GloryEdward Humphreys 1:03:47White FangBeth W. 1:25:32Golden HornLucy W. 1:18:26
  • 2021Horn of GloryAlec L. 0:58:45White FangChris L. 1:35:17Golden HornBecky T. 1:11:16
  • 2020Horn of GloryEdward Humphreys 1:01:59White FangRich T. 1:29:56Golden HornJulia D. 1:23:03
  • 2019Horn of GloryEdward Humphreys 1:03:27White FangAndy Sw. 1:33:24Golden HornRebecca S. 1:14:15
  • 2018Horn of GloryGraeme A. 1:11:40White FangBen T. 1:38:46Golden HornKat B. 1:25:09
  • 2017Horn of GloryGraeme A. 1:08:33White FangGori Y. 1:44:45Golden HornAlex R. 1:31:33
  • 2016Horn of GloryGraeme A. 1:09:58White FangEd Ha. 1:41:12Golden HornRebecca S. 1:23:00
  • 2015Horn of GloryIan Bu. 1:15:25White FangTim E. 2:14:31Golden HornKat B. 1:23:45
  • 2014Horn of GloryJonny S. 1:13:36White FangAnthony M. 1:39:58Golden HornRebecca S. 1:24:09
  • 2013Horn of GloryJonny S. 1:13:43White FangDuncan L. 1:50:30Golden Hornleft open

Holders are taken from the club’s own finishing orders. Where the club’s records do not say who raced as female, the Golden Horn is left open rather than invented.

Cards and finishing orders: the archive has every September since 2013.

All historic results
The club rulebook